Empowering
It hit me today (or was it yesterday?), as I was driving in my car. I zoned out (I know, safe to do while driving) listening to music, and to be honest I can not recall what song I was listening to which is rare. I could feel my sight kind of move in and out of focus. Was it yesterday? Now that is going to bug me, and was it this morning or this afternoon on my way home from work?
Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter, I guess I just feel like since it was such an important revelation I should remember the details, every detail, because I felt as if time slowed down, and yet somehow sped up too. Like I said, it was a strange experience, something I have not felt in a while. It was definitely a moment of clarity, but I have had those, and this was something stronger.
At a moment, not sure when because I can’t remember the details, I felt at peace, a peace I have never felt. With that peace I heard a thought, not like I had a thought, but I heard the thought, like someone gave the thought to me for mine to do with it what I wished. And the thought was very clear in my mind, as if it had been there all along, I just needed to hear it, to find it. It was so simple, almost too simple, perhaps a little cliche, but it made sense and like I said it gave me a very strong sense of peace.
(Now that I have built it up…) “Even when you feel lost, even when you are lacking direction, you, yourself are not lost because you still know who you are, and that knowledge is all that matters.”
It may not make sense to anyone else, or it may, but it certainly made sense to me. I have felt lost for some time now, and I thought that because I felt lost on my journey of life, like I have no true direction that I am heading, that for some reason that meant I did not know who I was, that myself was lost, my knowledge of self, of who I am as a person, was lost. So not only did I think I was heading the wrong direction, or no direction, I did not even think I recognized the person wandering around, looking, searching for direction. I now see it though, they are not necessarily bound together, one does not automatically mean the other. I can be lost, without true “direction” but still know who I am inside, how I feel, how I think, how I live, how I breath, how I love, how I talk, how I do the things I do, how I think the things I think. That makes me feel better to know that, to have that knowledge because now that I can separate the two, I think I can conquer the lack of “direction” knowing that whichever path I walk down, whether intentionally or aimlessly, I am walking down that path with a strong sense of self. And that is empowering.
